


Dewdrops

by beaches_at_treasure_island



Category: Original Work
Genre: Agender Character, Atheist Character, Bad Parenting, Christianity, College, Diary/Journal, Gen, Genderfluid Character, I Don't Even Know, Pansexual Character, Religion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 01:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3551777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beaches_at_treasure_island/pseuds/beaches_at_treasure_island
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a story (or stories) about Darcy Erin Winters, the writer of Dewdrops, in the form of a journal about a genderfluid pansexual teen and her agender best friend</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dewdrops

~~Dear Diary~~

~~Dear Journal~~

~~Hey you~~

Hey, it’s me -

This is really stupid… I don’t even know what to write in here. But my therapist said this would be a good way to document “this point” in my life or some such shit like that. What a fucking loony. But my school required each student have an adult they could talk to, so I chose a therapist.

Anyways, my jailors sent me to some snobby prep school for my high school education - and by jailors I mean the people who brought me into this world. They don’t understand that I’m not perfect. I’ll never be perfect, but I can be me. But me doesn’t fit into their cramped worldview.

See… _journal_ …I’m not normal, not to my parents, not to society. I’m different in a community where difference is something to squash. They expect everyone to be preppy, cishet white kids with A/B average grades and perfect hair and perfect teeth and… just plain perfection.

And I just don’t fit in.

It’s because I’m not cishet, mainly.

I’m - I dunno what exactly - definitely not straight. And to add insult to injury, I’m genderfluid.

I was born into this world as a beautiful baby girl, with curly medium brown hair and glinting hazel eyes. But most days I feel…off. Like I’m not me - not in the right body. I sort of feel a spectrum. Some days I’m not fully male or female, but a mixture of the two. Others I feel like a woman, sometimes like a man.

My parents can’t accept either - my sexuality or my gender identity - and since I came out to them, I’ve noticed we attend church more often. Every Wednesday night for evening chapel and every Sunday morning as well. We used to go only once or twice a month compared to the current twice a week.

My parents didn’t use to be uber religious - they had been brought up as good Christian people but had let the practice of it slide until my confession. I’m sort of glad I didn’t confess to them that I don’t believe in their God either. Even if I did, he couldn’t help me anyway.

Speaking of my parents and things they don’t know…

I’ve decided to do something - something they wouldn’t approve of but I don’t give a flying fuck. (In three weeks, I’ll be off to college and they won’t know about it anyway.) This morning, I ordered a FTM binder. (FTM means Female to Male, like transgender or transitioning or whatever.)

The binder’s reviews were pretty positive, and I first found out about this specific one from a few people I follow on Tumblr. It looks pretty sturdy and I can’t wait until it arrives. Luckily my parents work from 8 am to 6 pm, and the mail comes around 1 or 2 pm. They’ll never know I got it, and if they ask, it’s a book Kaylee recommended.

Kaylee is my best friend. I’ve known her forever. As far as anyone knows around town, she’s the model of what every child should strive to be. My parents love her, probably more than me. Kaylee’s androgynously pretty and crazy smart; she got straight As and acceptances to pretty much every college or university she wants. But she chose to attend USF in Tampa with me. We even got assigned the same dorm.

That was really helpful, actually. For the both of us.

See, what nobody knows about Kaylee except for me is that she’s agender. Kay’s always been the skinny, tall kid. She’s got almost no hips to speak of, and she’s flat chested. She’s biologically a girl and is fine with people calling her female. Kaylee’s not fussy and likes to minimize difficulty for others.

But back to sharing a dorm - she’s good with makeup and fashion which is how I’ll be getting my guy’s clothes and passing facially as a dude.

For example, last year when my parents went away for their anniversary, Kaylee and I went to Metrocon in Tampa. She went as Captain Jack Harkness and I went as Captain Jack Sparrow. Without Kay, I’m not sure my eyes, jawline or facial hair would have even been part of the experience.

Oh shit, I think my parents are home - fuck - I’ll finish this la-

* * *

So that was a thing that happened. My parents don’t know that I go to a therapist. It’s free so long as I hang around the other weekdays and “volunteer” my time. Kaylee recommended him to me, and he’s nice enough, I suppose. It’s worth the work, and the guy signs slips for my volunteer hours so that’s a bonus.

Anyway, the two of us, Kaylee and I, we’re like huge nerds. Name a fandom and we’re probably part of it. If I’m not, she is. We overlap on a good portion of them, but some, like SNK or Free! or even TBBT, are just her’s. On the “just mine” list, there’s Loveless, (obscurely) Outlander and all the Law and Order shows. But we share Criminal Minds, Harry Potter, Death Note, Supernatural and so many more.

Well, I’ve got some more packing to do, and unnecessary crap to sort through before the night is over - with generous fanfiction and Tumblr breaks tossed in - so I’m gonna sign off now…

~~_Darla Eleanor Winters_ ~~

(ugh, this is going when I’m eighteen - like Darla, seriously???)

_Darcy Erin Winters_

(that’s better - they’re unisex)


End file.
